Demi and me. Not so different.

I read some quotes today

from Demi Moore

with which I could relate

She is afraid she'll come to discover

That she is truly not lovable

She has done many things

Including starving herself

Trying to make herself more attractive


She fears the loss of her youth
and the attributes which made her famous

Demi is trapped in seeking "love"

Based on external factors

I've done this.

Starved myself in hopes of getting positive attention

Tried to change myself

To meet the perceived desires of others

I've believed I was only beautiful 

If others said so

Most of my life

I've felt that if I was not observed . . .

If no one saw me doing something . . . 

If no one looked at me

And liked what they saw . . .

I didn't really exist

I wasn't solid

My feeling, thoughts and actions

Meant nothing without a witness 

To give them (me) value

I see this in Demi

I know how it feels

Lost . . Alone

Ephemeral

Always craving more attention

More validation

But, it's never enough

It's the looking outside of self

For value

Such an easy trap to fall into

Especially if you can manipulate people

Into giving you what you think want

I am losing masks

I am losing casings and molds

Which I have so often squeezed 

Myself into

As my inner Lynelle

Strengthens and grows

Layers of protective coverings

Crumble and fall away

Oh sweet delight

To be consistent - compatible

With Self

The facades I've taken on

The shapes within which I've been encased

The lovely masks . . . 

They weren't me

Aren't me

I grow ever more congruous

Consistent through and through

When something is not compatible 

With my true self;

If it does not bring peace and joy 

It does not belong in or around me 
(or, I must learn a different way of perceiving what is)

A reminder to live from the heart

Not force things that "should" be

Sweet, simple, safe

Nurture love

Nurture what gives life

Seek life and love

And all will be well

All we need is found in these things

Within ourselves

I am learning to love myself

And do things to nurture this

I trust my solid self 

She who is me
Purely me

Peace

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