The Matrix Within

I am not my body

I am not what I do

I am not what I feel

I am passenger

and pilot

Of this physical frame

In the Chronicles of Amber*

The story is told of a 

Superhuman royal family whose members can wander

 among infinite parallel worlds 

called "shadows"

They achieve this ability by walking "The Pattern",

a labyrinth, 

which is the foundation and source 

of their true world

This pattern;

What I think of as a matrix,

Is internalized.

All life and reality 

Flow from this

foundational structure

Their "Source matrix":

Anything not following this exact pattern

Is but a shadow

Of what is true

To return from Shadow 

to Reality

One must focus on the pattern

Drawing closer

Going deeper

Into the heart 

of the source

Our source matrix

is Love

Everything not love

Is shadow

Life and energy flow from within

Shining outward, past and through

the external paradigms

Coverings . . . constructs . . . molds

They are illusion.

Temporary

Shadows

Pain does not define me

Fear cannot confine me

Weakness is a deception

I am not my body

I am not what I do

I am not what I feel

Though I can feel what I am

My Source is Love

I am love

My Source is strength and beauty

I am strength and beauty 

Though I cannot always see

My beautiful, strong self

I focus on the matrix of Love

I draw closer

Settle ever deeper

Into I Am

I notice pain

I notice my weakness and fear

Sadness and uncertainty

They are tissue paper coverings

Experienced as solid

Confining and obscuring

Self

Focus on Source

Live within Love

Remember

Remember

This will all fall away

Pain will be forgotten

All shadows turned to ash

Joy comes in the morning

* by  Roger Zelazny, http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/The_Chronicles_of_Amber

http://www.enchgallery.com/

http://www.jezz.us/

Experience, Strength and Hope

I think I'm gaining some wisdom and maturity in how 

I communicate with others.

Until recently, I've communicated about my situation; frustrations, hurts, fears, etc., largely with a focus to get relief from my pain.  

I've sought understanding, sympathy, answers . . . love . . . 

from people who care about me.

In the process, I've dumped a lot of my pain on people who weren't necessarily in a place to help; or were too close to the situation to be objective.  I'm grateful that someone very dear to me expressed the frustration and confusion resulting from my random rants 

(usually with no follow up calls to share what had happened later, what I'd learned, how things had changed, etc.)

I'm also aware that I tend to shape what I say in such a way as to convince the hearer that my perspective is the correct one, 
when that ain't necessarily so. 

(I believe this might be called manipulation :-)

I am reminded that it works well to treat life a lot like a big AA meeting.  

AA encourages you to share "in a general way what it used to be like, what happened, and what it's like now."

The focus is on sharing your "experience, strength and hope".

The Big Book also talks about finding a "close-mouthed friend", i.e. someone you can trust; someone safe, who you can tell anything to 

(it's safe for you and safe for them).

So, now I am being aware of what I say to whom, 

and what my motivation is.

With most people I will focus on sharing my 

experience, strength and hope.  

(This would include family, for the most part, 

because they care so deeply, and so easily feel my pain.)

And I have a few people who are safe to share the nitty gritty, ugliest, most painful stuff with, because they can handle it and because they can offer guidance and objectivity.  

This includes people who can call me on it, when I am stepping into victim mode, or not getting the facts right.  

(They also love and accept me as I am.)

I am so, so grateful for people who truly love me.  

We are all on such an amazing journey.

It's richer and purer, the deeper you go.

  

http://home.comcast.net/~fractalsbykeith/