Broken to be Reformed

* * * *

I was rich dark soil

Cradling and nourishing

The roots of my habits and beliefs

Strong, deep roots

Ripped out, they carried fragments of self

Scattering bits of me in the wind

Leaving the ache of emptiness

I was a clay statue

Smashed

Broken into thousands of pieces

Waiting to be rearranged . . . reassembled

I was a golden statuette

Beautiful . . . shiny . . .bright

Flames seared my flesh

Turning all that was not love

To ash

I was a caterpillar

Forever I’ve been a caterpillar!

Sometimes I've been a disassembled puzzle

I've spent much time in a fluid state, with no real form

Time and again I became fluid

Or vapor

Fluctuating from liquid to vapor, vapor to liquid

Liquid to clay

(this is not your ordinary caterpillar!)

Never reaching solidity or completion

Through the opaque chrysalis
Came glimpses of light and color
I struggled against my confinement

(trying to figure out what else I could do

to hurry things up; to escape)

Surely I’d become a butterfly by now!

I waited to be transformed
Knowing that throughout my different phases

I was continually transitioning within self
Changes not yet visible
Working toward wholeness

New and wonderful truths sent their roots to fill the emptiness.

What I’d lost, was no longer needed.

My clay self was reassembled
Some pieces no longer fit

New, more beautiful pieces

Took their places

The fire that burned so hot
Brought a sweet pain,
As lies and hurts were consumed

My unobstructed true self became more visible

Then one day, I discovered that I was flying!

I hadn’t even noticed the chrysalis falling away

So gently it had gone

Veils no longer covered my eyes

All was clear, bright and beautiful

All is clear and bright and beautiful!

The dream I’ve held for so many years

A miracle within myself

A desire for knowledge of Love

A desire for peace and joy;

True, deep, solid joy and peace.

Happened!

Everything came together

All the trials, and suffering

The times of numbing out to escape

The times of hopelessness and confusion

All the paths I’ve followed

Have somehow brought me to now.

There are no words to describe . . .

Within, I am solid.

There are no empty places

All is love

All is good

Such a sweet, rich miracle

To become more my true self

To know more than ever

That my Source is Love

I expect to spend time

Again and again

In a fluid, changeable state

The pain of transformation

Brings gifts beyond measure