Monday, January 16, 2012

Broken to be Reformed

Some descriptions of how I've felt in recent years
As I have been refined and filled

* * * *

I was rich dark soil
Cradling and nourishing
The roots of my habits and beliefs
Strong, deep roots

Ripped out, they carried fragments of self
Scattering bits of me in the wind
Leaving the ache of emptiness

I was a clay statue
Broken into thousands of pieces
Waiting to be rearranged . . . reassembled

I was a golden statuette
Beautiful . . . shiny . . .bright
Flames seared my flesh
Turning all that was not love
To ash

I was a caterpillar
Forever I’ve been a caterpillar!

Sometimes I was a disassembled puzzle

I've spent much time in a fluid state, with no real form
Time and again I became fluid

Or vapor
Fluctuating from liquid to vapor, vapor to liquid
Liquid to clay
(this is not your ordinary caterpillar!)
Never reaching solidity or completion

Through the opaque chrysalis
Came glimpses of light and color
I struggled against my confinement
(trying to figure out what else I could do
to hurry things up; to escape)
Surely I’d become a butterfly by now!

I waited to be transformed
Knowing that throughout my different phases
I was continually transitioning within self
Changes not yet visible
Working toward wholeness

New and wonderful truths sent their roots to fill the emptiness.
What I’d lost, was no longer needed.

My clay self was reassembled
Some pieces no longer fit
New, more beautiful pieces
Took their places

The fire that burned so hot
Brought a sweet pain,
As lies and hurts were consumed

My unobstructed true self became more visible

Then one day, I discovered that I was flying!
I hadn’t even noticed the chrysalis falling away
So gently it had gone

Veils no longer covered my eyes
All was clear, bright and beautiful
All is clear and bright and beautiful!

The dream I’ve held for so many years
A miracle within myself
A desire for knowledge of Love
A desire for peace and joy;
True, deep, solid joy and peace.

Everything came together
All the trials, and suffering
The times of numbing out to escape
The times of hopelessness and confusion
All the paths I’ve followed
Have somehow brought me to now.

There are no words to describe . . .
Within, I am solid.
There are no empty places
All is love
All is good
Such a sweet, rich miracle
To become more my true self
To know more than ever
That my Source is Love

I expect to spend time
Again and again
In a fluid, changeable state
The pain of transformation
Brings gifts beyond measure