Saturday, May 4, 2013

Love's Song


I've always felt comfortable 
Singing 
Not always comfortable
Speaking

A Cameroonian dancer once spoke these words 
(accompanied by a wide grin)
as we danced in a drum circle:
"You have music in your veins!"
Yes, yes!

(and my son said, "Mom you belong in Africa!")
Yes, and yes!

Life is rhythm
Rhythm is life
A constant flow
That I feel

I've had the thought
"if I ever lost my voice:
if I could no longer sing,
I could not live"

I'm still breathing
and fairly coherent
so I am, indeed,
Still living

I've experienced difficulties
with my voice over the years
I wrote of them in a post last year*
I carry a great deal of fear
around my throat and voice

Yesterday, I was reading
Dylan Morrison's, Prodigal Prophet**
This author has also had voice issues
He found a book which speaks of
possible underlying reasons for physical symptoms.


As I read the following words in Dylan Morrison's book
They had a profound effect on me
Cutting straight to the heart

"Chronic laryngitis was described as a form of self-repression experienced by those with a vital message to tell, who sadly suffered from low self-esteem.  Now I understood:  God had called me to speak His words to the hurting and lonely but I’d shied away from the task due to my false sense of humility.  My health had suffered as a result.  
Clearly I was to speak out all that I sensed and felt."

"I now realized why I had to tell my story, 
this book being the fruit of that simple revelation."
(Prodigal Prophet, p.209)

After reading the above, I searched the internet 
and found this on a website regarding 
psychological causes for physiological maladies:

"Loss of voice is a message from the body
 that you fear communicating vocally."
"The throat is the energy center relating to creativity and it must be kept open for creativity to flow through every area of your life."***

Quite honestly, I don't know exactly what this means for me.
I do know that I have been experiencing deep transformations
in recent years, and especially in recent weeks.

I continue on my journey to be ever more sensitive to Love within me
To draw ever nearer to my Source
I am being led to deeper stillness within
To walk more slowly (even when I run!)

To notice 
To find pleasure in Now
Always
(so easy to envision and accomplish, when I'm not sad or in pain!)

I am learning to smile, always
From within
In the midst of darkness
(mustn't deny what is . . . not judge it)

I feel the call to sing my song
Whatever that may be
(and I fear, still, that my physical voice will not be up to the task)

We each have a song . . . a dance . . . a poem
Which is only ours****
This is our life journey, is it not?
To recognize . . . 
The dance steps that are ours,
Our life song's melody, 
Our poetic pentameter?!

The source for all of these 
Is our Source
Which is Love

I listen for my song.
One only I can recognize
and only my voice can express

I am singing what I know
Will sing more as it is received
Recognized
I might not always understand
Surely, I will not

I pray that Love will be received
I trust my fears will not prevent
Love's song from flowing

I walk . . . I dance . . . I smile
Within
Joyful expectations
Fill me
Oh, throat of mine;
Be free!

Adventure awaits!





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