Thursday, March 1, 2012

Demi and me. Not so different.

I read some quotes today
from Demi Moore
with which I could relate
She is afraid she'll come to discover
That she is truly not lovable
She has done many things
Including starving herself
Trying to make herself more attractive

She fears the loss of her youth
and the attributes which made her famous
Demi is trapped in seeking "love"
Based on external factors

I've done this.
Starved myself in hopes of getting positive attention
Tried to change myself
To meet the perceived desires of others
I've believed I was only beautiful 
If others said so

Most of my life
I've felt that if I was not observed . . .
If no one saw me doing something . . . 
If no one looked at me
And liked what they saw . . .

I didn't really exist
I wasn't solid
My feeling, thoughts and actions
Meant nothing without a witness 
To give them (me) value

I see this in Demi
I know how it feels
Lost . . Alone
Always craving more attention
More validation

But, it's never enough

It's the looking outside of self
For value
Such an easy trap to fall into
Especially if you can manipulate people
Into giving you what you think want

I am losing masks
I am losing casings and molds
Which I have so often squeezed 
Myself into

As my inner Lynelle
Strengthens and grows
Layers of protective coverings
Crumble and fall away

Oh sweet delight
To be consistent - compatible
With Self

The facades I've taken on
The shapes within which I've been encased
The lovely masks . . . 

They weren't me
Aren't me

I grow ever more congruous
Consistent through and through

When something is not compatible 
With my true self;
If it does not bring peace and joy 
It does not belong in or around me 
(or, I must learn a different way of perceiving what is)

A reminder to live from the heart
Not force things that "should" be

Sweet, simple, safe
Nurture love
Nurture what gives life

Seek life and love
And all will be well
All we need is found in these things
Within ourselves

I am learning to love myself
And do things to nurture this
I trust my solid self 

She who is me
Purely me