On Being Special

I want to know that I am known
Noticed
Unique
Valuable and valued
Special

Foundational meanings of special are:

 "to receive unusual treatment"

"to be distinctive and unique"

Different
Better
(unless you are the in quotation marks, "special")

Do I need to be loved more than others
in order to feel good about myself?
Do I need to judge others as less
and myself as more
in order to feel valuable?

Why, the desire for attention?

Why sometimes an insecurity and/or jealousy

when someone else

is noticed and acknowledged

for having a gift or ability

When I am not?

"Don't forget about me"

"Remember I'm special and lovable, too"

We start as children
"Mommy, look at me, look at me!"
"Watch me now, watch me now!"
Seeking special notice;
Approval
Wanting to know we are noticed
Loved
Special

And, if we are loved by our parents
we rightly receive this
Love notices and delights
in the beloved

Children look outside of self
To learn who they are

A healthy, mature adult
Will have learned to love and value self
Irrespective of attitudes and 
behaviors of others

I certainly don't want another 
to be loved less
So that I can be loved more
Yet, at times,
My emotional responses
Seem to indicate just that

Is it either or?
Is there a limited supply
of love and attention
value and respect?

The smaller answer is "yes"
People tend to notice the ones at the top
or the ones at the bottom
Whoever is more easily noticed
Whoever stands out from the crowd

The bigger answer is "No".
Our Source is Love
Limitless love

This Divine light
The seed of who we are
Lives within each of us
Connecting us to the eternal
Never ending flow
Of the life and love we desire

Awareness and connection
A heart to receive
and trust
Are keys to being filled 
To overflowing
With knowledge of value
With the confidence of 
The beloved

It is a knowledge
Not easily attained
But, worth any price
True life is here

When I rest in Love
When love flows from me
To others
All is good
All is beautiful
I see and delight
In everyone as beautiful and beloved.

This is the beginning of a conversation; 

a journey through the layers of finding value and beauty within Self

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http://www.fractal-recursions.com

Open Spaces

I move 

From black and white

To color

From rigid

To flowing free

From close, tight boundaries

To possibilities yet undreamed

I delight in mystery

An open, spacious sky

Welcomes my eager gaze

There is magic

Everywhere

Love 

Everywhere

Sadness still visits

Muffled, dark whispers

Heaviness in my chest 

A deadly weight

Now I know

There is no threat

Dark fog is just that.

Memories, beliefs and habits

Substanceless, transient shadows

Appear solid

Obscuring the true, glorious beauty

That is

I observe

And acknowledge

My soul's suffering

I embrace and love

All that is me

As I walk this wild, wonderful road

End unknown
Yet, known

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The Matrix Within

I am not my body

I am not what I do

I am not what I feel

I am passenger

and pilot

Of this physical frame

In the Chronicles of Amber*

The story is told of a 

Superhuman royal family whose members can wander

 among infinite parallel worlds 

called "shadows"

They achieve this ability by walking "The Pattern",

a labyrinth, 

which is the foundation and source 

of their true world

This pattern;

What I think of as a matrix,

Is internalized.

All life and reality 

Flow from this

foundational structure

Their "Source matrix":

Anything not following this exact pattern

Is but a shadow

Of what is true

To return from Shadow 

to Reality

One must focus on the pattern

Drawing closer

Going deeper

Into the heart 

of the source

Our source matrix

is Love

Everything not love

Is shadow

Life and energy flow from within

Shining outward, past and through

the external paradigms

Coverings . . . constructs . . . molds

They are illusion.

Temporary

Shadows

Pain does not define me

Fear cannot confine me

Weakness is a deception

I am not my body

I am not what I do

I am not what I feel

Though I can feel what I am

My Source is Love

I am love

My Source is strength and beauty

I am strength and beauty 

Though I cannot always see

My beautiful, strong self

I focus on the matrix of Love

I draw closer

Settle ever deeper

Into I Am

I notice pain

I notice my weakness and fear

Sadness and uncertainty

They are tissue paper coverings

Experienced as solid

Confining and obscuring

Self

Focus on Source

Live within Love

Remember

Remember

This will all fall away

Pain will be forgotten

All shadows turned to ash

Joy comes in the morning

* by  Roger Zelazny, http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/The_Chronicles_of_Amber

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http://www.jezz.us/

Religion is Division

Lines are drawn
Expectations 
Established

Those within the group
Must meet
Certain standards
Of behavior
And belief

Those outside
Are in need of conversion
To the right way of thinking
In order to be
Embraced

On which side of the line are you?
Can I trust that you believe as I do?
Are you safe to share my life with?
I need us to think the same.
Be the same

Love is inclusion
There are no lines
No in and out
No expectations
Or standards to meet

Love has no conditions
Only freedom
To be truly you

True, beautiful, authentic me
Amazing, inspiring, transparent you

Life.
Peaceful, kind, joyful
Expectancy


http://www.deviantart.com/

Expectations

Expectations

Projections into the future

Living where you're not

Hopes and dreams

Built on air

Collapse

In reality

Expectations

Emotions attached

To illusions

Self created

Expectations

False belief  

That you can know

Or control

The future

Can create or foresee

What “should be”

When dreams die

When expectations

Are not realized

Where are you?

You are always

Only one place:

The present

You always know

Only one time:

Now

Breathe in now

Feel the earth beneath you . . . now

Know you have all you need

For right now

Every moment

Every day

You will have what you need

Your future is revealed

One day at a time

No other way

* * * * * * * * *

Results of placing expectations on others; on how the future will be . . . 

resentment, hurt, disappointment, anger, hopelessness . . . 

You are doing the best you know how.  

Trust that others do the same.
This is truth.

There's no other time within which we can live.

It is always now.

Let go of yesterday.

Let go of tomorrow.

Smile

All is well at this moment.


http://www.jezz.us/fractal1/fractal1.html

The Rhythm of You

At your beginning

You were one cell

This cell pulsed

It had a beat; a vibration

(remember, you did not yet have a heart)

When the one became two

The cells pulsed together

The same beat;  same vibration

And so it continued

Cells reproduced

Became specialized . . . 

And always

Your rhythm

Your vibration

Resonated through every cell

That same energy

The same rhythm

Pulses throughout your being now

Wow!

You!

This energy

The exact color and feel of it

Is you!

We now have the technology

to detect a person's energy

It extends far beyond our bodies

We 'touch' each other as we pass on the street

Our thoughts and feelings

Change and color how our energy 'feels'

To ourselves and others

When I focus on 

Loving kindness

Those near me are affected 

When I attempt to impose

A different beat upon self

A way of thought and being

That is not mine

That is not love

There is conflict, stress

Sadness and fear

The more I listen to my rhythm
And live within it
The more I am in peace

Who we are
What we think, believe and focus on
Changes us
Can change the world
Bit by bit

So much mystery 

In this universe of ours
Beautiful, magical
Invisible to most
Real

www.enchgallery.com/

Demi and me. Not so different.

I read some quotes today

from Demi Moore

with which I could relate

She is afraid she'll come to discover

That she is truly not lovable

She has done many things

Including starving herself

Trying to make herself more attractive


She fears the loss of her youth
and the attributes which made her famous

Demi is trapped in seeking "love"

Based on external factors

I've done this.

Starved myself in hopes of getting positive attention

Tried to change myself

To meet the perceived desires of others

I've believed I was only beautiful 

If others said so

Most of my life

I've felt that if I was not observed . . .

If no one saw me doing something . . . 

If no one looked at me

And liked what they saw . . .

I didn't really exist

I wasn't solid

My feeling, thoughts and actions

Meant nothing without a witness 

To give them (me) value

I see this in Demi

I know how it feels

Lost . . Alone

Ephemeral

Always craving more attention

More validation

But, it's never enough

It's the looking outside of self

For value

Such an easy trap to fall into

Especially if you can manipulate people

Into giving you what you think want

I am losing masks

I am losing casings and molds

Which I have so often squeezed 

Myself into

As my inner Lynelle

Strengthens and grows

Layers of protective coverings

Crumble and fall away

Oh sweet delight

To be consistent - compatible

With Self

The facades I've taken on

The shapes within which I've been encased

The lovely masks . . . 

They weren't me

Aren't me

I grow ever more congruous

Consistent through and through

When something is not compatible 

With my true self;

If it does not bring peace and joy 

It does not belong in or around me 
(or, I must learn a different way of perceiving what is)

A reminder to live from the heart

Not force things that "should" be

Sweet, simple, safe

Nurture love

Nurture what gives life

Seek life and love

And all will be well

All we need is found in these things

Within ourselves

I am learning to love myself

And do things to nurture this

I trust my solid self 

She who is me
Purely me

Peace

http://www.enchgallery.com/fractals