Remember

Lies believed lead to death

Lies believed confuse and thwart true desires

Lies believed give substance to emptiness

Lies believed lead away from sanity; away from what is true and real

Sometimes our lies taste sweet

Sugar coated death

Other times the lies are clearly dark

But appear so solid, we listen and follow

I was born to love

I was born to make people smile

To lessen people’s burdens

My middle name ain’t Joy for nothin'!

Some time ago

I realized I was trying to disappear myself

Emotionally, psychologically, energetically

Attempting to withdraw from this world; from this body

I didn’t feel I belonged here

I am reminded that I do belong

I've let myself become solid again

Solid feet on solid ground

Yes, yes!  

I’m a human being like everybody else

No different

No more or no less worthy

Of breathing this air

Treading this soil

More recently I forgot again
Words of despair and hopelessness
Insidious
Whispered to my soul

I stood

Surrounded by people

Body weak

Heart and soul exhausted

Aware of my emptiness

Bereft of any warmth or goodness to share

I can no longer exist in this form

I cannot survive being who I am

I cannot tolerate my existence

Empty and dead

Like a dry leaf that crumbles in your hand

Nothing.  Absolutely nothing to give.

As I curled around myself

On the floor

It was as if I leaned into a room

A room of forgetting

A spacious room of freedom

Where I didn’t remember that I wanted to live

Where I could see the way to escape my pain.

My aloneness.  
My uselessness.

Could all just melt away.

I’d never been to that room before.

This was different.

This was real.

I knew it could be real.

I could disappear myself
If I swallowed enough pills . . . 

I leaned back out of the room

Knowing it would be waiting for me
An easy threshold to cross

I didn’t know what to do

So, I told people who love me

Family and friends, they rescued me

Helped me to a place of safety

Thank you

Thank you

Thank you!

Once you’ve been somewhere

Once you’ve opened the door

It’s easier to return

I think remembering is one of the most important things we need to practice.

Remembering what is true.

Remembering all that is good and beautiful

Remembering even when all you see and feel

Is pain and darkness . . .

THE LIGHT IS ALWAYS THERE!

Love is always there. 

There is always someone who cares. 

Even strangers, I discovered, cared about me.

All it takes is a whisper

All it takes is the feeble lifting of a finger to get someone’s attention

A call.  An email. 

Sometimes we’re strong and are there for others

Sometimes we’re weak and others are strong for us

It is a crazy, insane place to be

To think one’s life not worthy of being lived

We are walking miracles!

Our bodies are incredible (if we were really aware of how it all works we’d be in constant awe) machines!

Our minds, our thoughts, our feelings, our creativity . . .

All that makes us human

Is just spectacular

Really. 

 

I wasn’t listening to the wisdom within me

That knows my value

Not because of what I can do or how I look

My miraculous existence makes me valuable.

Remember!

Remember!

And if you forget,

Ask someone to remind you

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