Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Where's My Head? (HD)

I find out tomorrow whether or not I have Huntington's Disease.  
One more day of not knowing;
of being blissfully? ignorant.

My mouth seems to be having a harder time forming words the last few days (an HD symptom) . . . but, it's probably just psychosomatic.  And I notice I bump into walls sometimes . . .
I'm thinking that if the results are negative, I'll be grateful to "only" have chronic fatigue syndrome.

If I do have HD, I will be receiving an even greater opportunity to learn trust and peace . . . to have grace with myself . . . and a whole lot more.

I remembered a very important thing to tell myself whenever I start to fear the future.  

"Keep your head where your feet are."

For some reason, saying or thinking those words really helps me stay in the moment.  All I ever have is now.  

Fear is never about now. 
Sometimes there's an immediate threat, but even then the fear is of what might come.
Most of the time, our fear is about things that might happen.  
(Sometimes, using one's imagination is not such a good thing!)
We try to visit tomorrow, rather than live in today.
You can't be two places at once, so when you try, it messes you up!
(And we're usually wrong about how things are going to go.)

I feel so free when I stay here . . . now . . . in today. 
Everything is okay with me.  
This is true, even if I'm in pain or have other ailments.  
I can be okay in the midst of whatever is happening right now.

I have so many good things and good people around me.  
I live in a place I love with sunshine and mountains and desert . . . 
I have wonderful wind chimes (tuned to the key of A) playing outside my window.  
I have family and friends who love me.

So, whatever the results . . . 
I plan on making a big sign for myself that reminds me to check out where my feet are.
If they're in today, that's where I'll stay.  
(with ongoing practice)

Where are your feet?  Where's your head?